Friday, June 22, 2012
i've been working out a lot lately. last sunday i did my home pft machine thingy to see how i was doing. at first the numbers were not so great but then i did it one more time and i got 1.01 fev1!! i know this is just a little machine and who knows how accurate it is but i was so happy. so this week i've been doing my workouts and i think since i'm going to get my period soon i've had a lot more to cough up. well my neck is killing me from so much stress from coughing. earlier in the week it was my chest but now it moved to my neck. it hurts so much to cough or just move my head around. today i did another pft and the highest i got was a .94, i wasn't too happy but it was better than i thought it would be. this weekend we were supposed to go kayaking but it's going to rain the whole weekend. so i should rest today but i want to workout. not sure what to do since it's almost 3:30 and i've been in bed all day. lol. i feel like a lush. ok, so i'm gonna get my self outta bed and go out. :) laters, wendy v.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Well what can i say, it's been a rough week and it's only tuesday. I'm my sister's maid of honor but since i live 5hrs away from her and my family i feel like i've been left out. I call my sis and she never tells me if i need to do something. Yesterday i get an email from my cousin who is hosting the bachelorette cruise we are going on. I was super upset she invited like 5 of her friends. I really can't stand them. I've tried to get along with them but they are so shallow and plastic. They are true mean girls!! I'm gonna feel so outta place, i mean they wear makeup and heels to go to the pool. All with fake boobs and fake personalities. They look at me like, Oh it's the sick sister. I'm dreading this cruise. Then i starting thinking about my family and how they see my CF. Actually that's the problem, They Don't!! It's sad to say i have a huge family and they have never once walked with me at a cf event or helped me raise money. I feel alone sometimes, my family doesn't understand. My sister feels like i got all the attention from my mom cause of my CF and even says i try to get attention by "acting sick". I'll admit, i can feel fine one day and crappy the next. My sis doesnt like me, i know it. We have totally different friends and see the world differently. I wish my sister would call me and ask me how i'm feeling, or if i need anything. When she comes to see me in the hospital (which is rarely) she needs to bring people so she doesnt get bored. I wish she was closer to me but she says she feels left out by the close relationship me and my mom have. My sister has friends that she knows i can't stand. The friends that only have "expensive" taste. Why does she dislike me so much? I sometimes wish i didn't have cf and we'd probably get along better. My mom gets sad because of this often. I do as well. i've tried to let my sister into my world but she doesn't have any feelings towards it. I have so many cousins and aunts and uncles and now that i live away from them it's like i don't even exist. I had such a hard time falling asleep last night. My boyfriend didnt make it any better, this weekend on saturday i coughed and he told me i had an ear piercing cough, i'm still fucking mad about it. REALLY?? My cough is ear piercing!!! Fuck Everyone!! I didn't tell him how much it bothered me but i will tonight when he gets home. that's all for now, wendy v.