Thursday, May 31, 2012


I feel so bad for those kids who kill themselves over bullys. I was made fun of  a lot when i was in school, i got my pills taken away from me in front of everyone in the school cafeteria and called a drug user, i was called a nerd in front of my math class, i could go on and on. All of this not cause i was gay but because i had Cystic Fibrosis. Of course, no one knew i had CF in school because it wasn't any of their business. I think the internet and social networks have a lot to do with these kids getting so depressed and harming themselves. I don't understand why bullying is so prevelent now a days. I know back when i was growing up people who were gay didn't "show" it as much as now. They kept it secret until they were adults. I don't think kids who are gay should try and not be so in your face about it. I don't mean to be mean but kids will make fun of you. Stick up for yourself, try going to a self defense class and those bullys will respect you and go away. whenever you are different people will always comment and you must have tough skin. That's how i got my tough skin, i don't let people run over me cause i'm short or cause i look young or cause of my CF. People sometimes stare if i cough and i just don't care. i used to care a lot before but i hang out with friends who know about my CF and will stand up for me as well. Sometimes people need to be slapped across the face for being so stupid. If i have to wear my O2, i wear it. i have no time to think about what other people think, if they keep looking i will tell them. if they got time to stare, i got time to share my story with them. ok, can you tell it's my time of month. lol. that is all. :)

Monday, May 21, 2012

Doc appt!!

it was a good appt!!! i actually went up on my pft's! i went from having only .79 to .84 getting up there to a liter! i know it sounds crappy and it is, but it's a step forward. i'm super happy in only 6 weeks without iv antibiotics i was able to get a higher pft result. i guess my working out is actually working!! my boyfriend says he's super proud of me and so am i. :) i go back to spring hill tomorrow and back to my eliptical and my man. i have a 5hr drive ahead of me so i should get some good rest. i have to pack a ton of things before i leave. i talked to my psychologist and she really helped me see that just because my boyfriend isn't the most romantic doesn't mean anything. he's an awesome person and that's that!!!

Sunday, May 20, 2012


so i've been in miami for over a week now. i go back to spring hill on tuesday. since i've been home i've been catching up with my friends and having tons of girl talks. there's this one friend that was asking me if my boyfriend was romantic, honestly he's the most caring, loving person but not romantic what so ever. it kinda makes me sad. i would love roses when i get home or gifts. i mean i know he loves me but when i hear about what romantic things guys do to their girlfriends, it breaks my heart mine doesn't. he knows he's not romantic, i mean i'll ask him to get me a present and he gets me the wrong thing, at least he gets me something i guess. he does my therapy and takes care of me when i'm sick which is so important to me, but why do i feel jealous when my friends get watches, rings, purses, sunglasses from their boyfriends and not me. i also think to myself, he already does so much for me, maybe i shouldn't ask him for more. is it fair for me to just do that. i mean he wants me to tell him what ring i want if he proposes me to. he's so unromantic, it just hurts sometimes. i dont know if it's my horomones and i'm freaking out about nothing or if i should bring it up? i don't want to make him feel bad either. i miss miami so much, i hate living so fucking far away. i do think i'm ovulating cause i'm mad as hell for no reason. i think memorial day weekend we are going to the keys, we'll see. tomorrow i got a pulmonary doc appt. i hope all my working out and extra therapy will help me. it's weird cause i feel more stuff moving all around in my lungs, it bothers the shit outta me. ugh. i also have to do a 6 minute walk test for the stupid oxygen company, hello fuckers my pft's are at 30%, fuck yeah, i need o2. before that appt i have to see my psychiatrist and then after the pulmonologist i have an appt for a microdermabrassion. it's gonna be a long ass day. so not looking forward to anything at all. wenv.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


wha'ts my ambition in life? what do i want to be when i grow up?? well i'm 34yrs old and i should already have a career but instead i'm on disablility and i'm a stay at home girlfriend. i must admit housework is hard. there's always something to clean up. What's weird is my drive, my ambition, my need in life is to just live! i love waking up doing my meds and vest, then working out in the afternoon, running and doing the eliptical and walking the dog. I love when my boyfriend gets home he give me cpt and then i do my  night meds. If i had a career there's no way i would have all this time. i love that my health is the first thing on my list of things to do. Is that bad? people think i'm not striving for something or becoming something. i've always hated school and when i did go i got super sick. i can't do online classes cause i like being in a classroom enviorment. i wish they had classes for people with low immune systems, that would be so rad!! also i have no idea what i would want to do as a career, i have no clue what i want to do. I started working at the age of 16 until i was 28. even worked two jobs at one time. i worked in hospitals and a photolab. loved my photolab job but don't know if i could take pics for life. i love my family and i'll see them soon. i'll be in miami on sunday for about 9 days. i cant wait to hug and kiss my nephew. i will miss my boyfriend a ton. soon my nephew will be 3 and he'll be able to stay with me up here overnight. i can't wait. i love him so much!! while in miami i have to go to my endocrinologist, psychiatrist, and pulmonologist. it'll be a busy week. Oh, i went to a doggie beach here in bradenton and it was such a blast!!! here are the pics!!