A Lesion on my SPLEEN????

can't even fathom what this means? i try to tell myself it's nothing since the doc doesn't think it's anything but a lesion on my spleen? really?? wtf! i'm i going to die?? what if i do need surgery? i only have an fev1 of 29% at best. i can't be put under because i'll never come off the vent. i have an MRI with contrast on friday which will tell us more. i'm going back to spring hill on saturday but honestly i'm a fucking wreck! my mind doesn't stop racing and neither does my heart. what could it be? could this be the pain i've been telling everyone about and no one listened to? fuck, i hate thinking this shit. what the fuck did i do to deserve this crap. i want to go back to my boyfriend and just be fine. ok, if this is really something that i have to have surgery for i guess i'll have to be admitted and have it done. don't know how long i'd have to stay but i'd want to stay until i could cough again and be ok. fuck, this is the type of shit that when people go in for it turns out worse. god i pray that next week i'll be saying it was nothing but for now i'm scared as hell. :(