It's been forever!

I've been pretty busy with stuff. I'm applying for tons of per-diem jobs and trying to get interviews so i havent had time to put all of my thoughts together. So right now i'm blue, my dog sweets was 14yrs old and had to be put to sleep today. i'm so sad but i cant cry. i know i will i'm just waiting for it to all come out. my mom has been crying non stop. i even emailed the ex and he didnt write back, no surprise. i'm so poor right now and my phone bill came out to over $100 dollars. i used the internet on it and i thought it was free. big huge mistake. i've been talking to a couple of new guys but no progress. i still have my DC guy and i'm going to visit him once my sis has her baby boy. my lungs are doing ok. last year i went to seaworld and had to use a wheelchair cause i was so outta breath. this year i went to aquatica one day and seaworld the next and did it all on my own!! i feel like i caused this to happen. i was mad one day and i asked god to just take me cause i couldnt stand life anymore. instead he took my best friend. :( i shouldnt have done that. i'm so stupid. i just dont feel like i'm useful, i feel like i just take, take, take. as you can tell i'm ovulating and on a downer. i hope things get better next week. i have a job interview and i see my doctor and i go to the research clinic. laters, wendy v.