Today was my grandma's wake/burial. I thought i knew how i was going to react but i totally fell apart. I looked at her in the casket and she looked nothing like herself. i've seen many dead bodies, young and old but never have i seen someone who didn't resemble themselves. i literally felt myself start to panic and i just thought how am i going to make it 4hrs here? my family and friends really helped me out. i still feel really anxious and just stressed out. i think to myself if i can't handle my grandma's funeral what if someone like my mom or dad pass away? they are my life, i'd be so lost. i want to feel normal which right now i don't. i'm not sleepy nor do i want to sleep. i'm scared of my dreams, i don't want to dream about my grandma. about how i saw her in that casket. i just don't want to break apart. i need to be strong.
Also my MRI came back normal. not sure if i updated everyone already. my mind is really scrambled.