email.....

so last night i was up late as usual and i wrote an email to my ex. i know, i know, i sound crazy. who knows maybe i am. but what can i say i needed to tell him stuff and get things off my chest. you know women need closure, well at least i do. i wrote him that i still loved him and that i'll probably always will and that i'm sorry i'm having trouble moving on. i told him that he just did things that nobody else had done for me. it's weird i guess at my age with cf maybe my mind thinks that it will be my last love? i dunno i'm so weird. well he hasnt written back and i dont think he will. in a way it's so hard to be angry at him. he broke up with me like a real man. he didnt cheat or let me stay in a relationship that sucked. he wants me to be happy and move on and find someone else. i think i wrote this in my last blog. sorry i have a head cold and i just took some meds. lol. i'm thinking of seeing a therapist to see why this relationship has hit me so much harder than any other. i have medicare and medicaid and i have no idea how to look for one or if they insurance will even pay. this weekend i'll be in the keys and i love it there. it's so relaxing and just sitting on the dock outside looking at the ocean. it just clears your mind and it's so peaceful. i hope to seek that kind of clear headedness (is that a word?) this weekend. xoxo.