One Month Ago Yesterday.

Yesterday was one month since my ex broke my heart. I still cry almost every night cause i miss him so much. I went out on thxsgiving eve and had a great time. In the morning i went on-line to check my email and i saw the ex had written me. I didnt know what to think, i was kind of excited and scared at the same time. when i opened it i got the surprise of my life. He had looked at my facebook as he was taking me off as a friend and he saw that i was friends with a guy i kind of dated. the thing is the guy lives all the way in D.C. it's not like me and the guy ever see each other. facebook has an application that you can do stuff to people and my friend had some chick that was obsessed with him so he ask me to get flirty with him. so i did. my ex wrote me in the email not to treat myself like a whore and that i could do so much better and just all this other stuff. i was so upset. i would never add my input on anything he's doing now cause we are broken up and i dont care. he wrote he hoped i would get over the pain and be his friend again one day. i just cant do that. i love him and he'll always have a part of my heart. i wrote him back that he didnt know the situation between me and my d.c. friend and i also put some things that were harsh. i havent heard his voice in a month and i think if i did i would just break down into tears. i wonder if he's moved on? i wonder if he's going out on the weekends and hooking up with girls and taking them back to the bed we used to share, or the couch we would snuggle on. they say time heals all wounds but i think this one will leave a huge scar that no matter how long it's been will always hurt.i've met some new girls which is great to have friends who support you but they are all in relationships. it pretty much sucks. i'm still on iv antibiotics and have been for almost a month. i only need one more week. my fev1 stayed the same from last time at 33% but i want to get it at 40% so i can get in a new research. so that's my update for now. hopefully next post will be better.

I look at all my cf friends that are married and so happy and i think why cant i find that? What's wrong with me? Is it because of where i live? It's hard when you have cf and feel like you dont have anything to offer anyone. Right now this is the most lowest point of my life. I have no job, I'm not listed for lungs but no well enough to enjoy things without oxygen, I'm lonely and I'm not in school and the doctor says it's best not to start cause i seem to get colds very easily when i'm around other students. I hope this is just a phase i'm going through and just a rough patch. I hope it passes quickly!!