I'm going to be an Auntie!!!

My sis is preggers! i'm so excited for her!! I cant wait to be an aunt. i'm actually going to take care of it while my sis is at work and stuff. i really want to do this on my own. no one ever lets me take care of a baby. everyone thinks i'm horrible with them. yeah right! just because i'm 31 with no kids doesnt mean i hate kids. hispanic people can be so retarded sometimes!! sometimes i want to get preggers to show them i can do it! i'm kinda sad too cause i just keep thinking i will never experience that. i'm going to get personal but i was pregnant when i was 20. i was in the hospital for 2 weeks cause i was sick. i didnt know i was also preggers. they asked me if i was and i said no, they asked me if i was sure cause the meds could affect the baby. when i got out of the hospital i noticed i was late. i did a pregnancy test and it was positive. i told my parents and they played the good cop/bad cop routine. i decided to end the pregnancy. i honestly couldnt see myself having a baby. it would be ten yrs old now. the father was a coke head who had the worst temper in the world. of course when i met him he wasnt like that. he met some new people at a job he got a year into our relationship and he just changed once he got into the drug. also i was doing so well with the ex situation. i hadnt cried in over a week, then of course i went on his myspace and he had an adventurous mood and all this happy shit. my heart sank and then i cried. i wish i could just see his stuff and not be sad!! god i just want to get over him. i've tried meeting new people and chatting with new guys and it just doesnt work :( well i'm going to hawaii for my 32nd bday. even though the cruise is in may it's still for my bday! it's a hawaiian cruise! still doing the research med and it's going fine. nothing much more to say for now! bye!