Today i went to see my pulmonologist. I really thought my pft's were going to me sooo much better. I have been working out so much and i've been so good about staying away from large crowds or people with colds. I feel like all i do is take care of my health. My pft's were actually two points lower. I couldnt believe it. I had a total breakdown. I started crying these huge tears and i was telling them how sad i had been feeling first that my pft's werent better then of course came the ex. I told them i didnt think i was handling it very well cause i was 31 and i had so many cf friends that have passed away and i was scared maybe my ex was the last one. the doctors were so sweet telling me everything was going to be ok and that he wasnt going to be the last. I have never felt like this before. i bet he doesnt even think twice about breaking my heart. the worst thing that the ex texted me. he actually remembered i had a doctors appt. he texted me and of course like an idiot i texted back and he responded. i asked him if i didnt have cf if he would still keep in contact with me. he said yes but he wouldnt ask me about dr. appts. he would just check in from time to time. i really dont know if i should cut the cord and tell him not to text me again. it just hurts so much to just get a text from him. i have a few great friends alot of them online with cf. they all give me such great advice. i've just never been hurt like this before.
tomorrow i'm going to buy some weights to add weight lifting into my work outs. i'm going to the keys this weekend with my family. i cant wait to sit on the dock and just look out into the ocean and cast that line out and do some fishing. i swear i could sit on the dock forever and stare at the ocean. At night in the keys the stars light up the sky so brightly. it really takes your breath away. i can already feel myself there. i hope by being there it will clear my mind and my stress can be decreased a bit. *sighs*