Night Time.....

These thoughts always seem to run through my head at night time. thoughts about the future, will i have kids, will i get married, will i be alive next year, next month, next week? It just always feels like groundhog day to me. Wake up do meds, eat breakfast, workout, have lunch, do therapy, do meds, take a shower, have dinner, more meds. The next day it starts all over again. When i was growing up, it was weird cause i never saw myself getting married. I never dreamed about a wedding dress. I've actually had a few dreams where i'm getting married and i want to run out of the church, which i do!! Today i thought about my ex and i looked at some old emails i wrote to him after the breakup. It just hurts to keep thinking about the same stuff, mostly the why. he said he didnt love me the same way. just thinking about him can bring the tears so easily to my eyes it's sad. i'm just trying so hard to get over him and it doesnt work. i keep thinking of a song we would both sing together. 3 doors down, here without you. it's so hard to hear that song. i hope i get better soon.